What social anxiety feels like? (Overview + Causes + Symptoms)

“Damn, another social event? Why do humans even exist on earth?”

This is what I think every time I get invited to a networking event or a birthday party.

Social settings are nerve-wracking for me. People don’t seem to treat me right. This makes me reluctant to talk to them. But every time I see others chit-chatting and having fun, I feel triggered. I feel the compulsion to join them but I lack the confidence to do so. I begin to think -

What’s the point? They will likely ignore me this time around too. They don’t like me, so no matter what I do, they won’t befriend me. I lack knowledge of the subjects they talk about. So I have nothing to add to conversations. They find me boring and unfunny. I should just stay here, or else I will kill the vibe of the group.

These thinking patterns keep me chained in fear and prevent me from taking any action.

Results? Vacant social life, network poverty at work, and dwindling support system.

It took me long to realize that my thinking patterns and lifestyle aren’t normal. People tend to feel nervous sometimes but I feel awkward and defensive around people most of the time. That’s why I just stay by myself and do everything alone — whether it’s hanging out or taking lunch.

If my story feels relatable to you, this blog post might come in handy. Continue reading to better understand social anxiety and learn some of its top symptoms.

What is social anxiety?

Social anxiety is an intense and long-term fear of social situations.

It is normal to feel occasionally nervous, especially before important events, like a date or presentation. But socially anxious individuals feel extremely nervous and conscious even around everyday interactions and activities.

• They may avoid places where there are people — team lunch, public transport, etc.
• They forbid themselves from entering the room where people are already present.
• Being assertive with coworkers and voicing out their concerns feel daunting to them.
• They may say no to dating or partying even when they want to.

Social anxiety interferes with your day-to-day life and negatively impacts confidence, relationships, and work. It stems from a constant, deep-seated fear of being judged by others.

People with social anxiety hold back from truly expressing themselves because they are too afraid of being embarrassed, humiliated, or judged by others.

As a result, they end up avoiding group activities, say no to meeting new people, and steer clear of career-building opportunities like job interviews and networking events.

Causes of Social Anxiety

Clinical experts haven’t identified any one particular cause of social anxiety, but they suspect it to be a result of the following biological and environmental factors:

• Inheritance: Anxiety disorders tend to run in families. That’s why individuals whose parents or siblings have social anxiety are more likely to develop the condition.
• Childhood experiences: Children who are raised by controlling parents tend to experience social anxiety in adulthood. Individuals who experience bullying, rejection, or humiliation in childhood also become more prone to social anxiety when they grow up.
• Past experiences: Social anxiety can also stem from unpleasant past experiences like trauma, abuse, or being ridiculed in social settings.
• Biology: A part of the brain called the amygdala regulates emotions of fear and aggression. People who have an overactive amygdala can experience symptoms of social anxiety.

Can you have social anxiety in selective situations?

Social anxiety mostly relates to anxiety around social interactions, but it is not always the case. While some socially anxious individuals find it hard to comfortably talk and socialize, others face difficulty with delivering performances in public, such as giving a speech or playing a musical instrument.

Symptoms of Social Anxiety

It’s not possible to self-diagnose social anxiety, but the following symptoms may indicate that you have something more than just shyness.

Emotional and behavioural symptoms

Following are the signs that you may have social anxiety:

• You worry about day-to-day activities that involve coming across people — coffee breaks, lunch times, shopping, etc.
• You feel afraid of joining group conversations or initiating conversations
• Avoiding social events due to fear of embarrassing yourself
• Avoiding eye contact
• Pretending to be busy while others are talking because you’re afraid to participate in conversations
• Anticipating the worst of social events and convincing yourself to not go

Physical symptoms

• Sweating, blushing or trembling
• Rapid heartbeat
• Feeling nauseatic or upset in the stomach
• Difficulty catching your breath
• Having a rigid body posture
• Lightheadedness or dizziness
• Tight muscles

Social Anxiety vs Introversion

It’s easy to misinterpret social anxiety as introversion. I did that during my high school years.

I lacked the courage to initiate conversations and talk to most people in my class. But since I had a good-enough friend group, I didn’t bother either. I was comfortable around my friends and they fulfilled my limited social needs. During this time, I used to excuse my socially anxious behaviour as introversion.

But soon enough, I realized the fault in my judgement. When I joined college, I once again felt intimidated by the people around me. And this time around, I wasn’t lucky enough to find even a single person that I could comfortably talk to.

I felt ignored and rejected by everyone around me. My efforts to build new friendships were in vain. It was then that I begin to pay attention to the uncomfortable emotions and complex thoughts I have about people. While I was still convinced that I am an introvert, I began to wonder if there is something more.

Over the years, I came across the term ‘social anxiety’. Through my research, I learnt the difference between introversion and social anxiety.

Introversion is a personality trait. It refers to the kind of social energy you have. Introverts are people who need alone time and solitary pursuits to recharge their energy levels. Too much socializing can feel more physically and mentally exhausting for them in comparison to others.

However, social situations aren’t anxiety-inducing for introverts. They just don’t prefer a lot of social activities because that drains them quickly.

Social anxiety, on the other hand, is extreme fear and nervousness before, during, and after social situations. People with social anxiety avoid socializing even when they have a strong desire to be with people.

Final Thoughts

Social anxiety disorder is a mental condition that gets in the way of a happy, balanced and fulfilling life. It is often mistaken as introversion or shyness.

People with social anxiety feel acutely afraid of social situations due to fear of judgement and embarrassment. They can be characterized by sweaty palms, shaky voices, and negative thinking patterns. They tend to avoid socializing because of the distress it brings them.

Social anxiety can result from inherited genetic makeup, tough past experiences, and an overactive amygdala. It is important to get this disorder treated for living a normal and happy life.